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starlight1303's Blog


Life

Beautiful ,yet controlling.
Demanding in its desires and needs.
up and down, fight or flight
yet your miracoulus storms bring different angles of perfection
tearing it down
to focus whats up
simplicity and calm
surrendering in its teaching
I'am whole
within these different parts
for these parts make me whole

hmm

My head just trailed back from a reminder earlyier today
co worker mentioned somthing and brought me back.

its like a forgot or just ignored it
I havnt actually validated anything that i remebered today

if i was to write , experiences.. what happend
i couldnt even put them in cornological order
age or anything... my mind switches from one instance to another.the disorginization of it all drives me a little batty

so its hard to have a beggining or an end
where to start?
.
have a name of a person and start there?
Have a word and begin from that?

Instance
Person
Role they played
Betrayel
Hurt
Denial..
?
I dont know my minds been numb for so long ,im lacking that part it seems
..
I used to be so good at it? explaining i mean
whered I go?

hurt to let you go

Iam in pain beacuse babe
its that time again
but this time its for real
those words will be spoken
and this time they wont be broken

my tears have shed
it hurts me more to hurt you

Only a matter of time before im replaced and forgotten
for Iam nothing but a discration
and a time filler

im not convinced
maybe its me

but this time im for real
its not meant to be

Inner strugle

 
Nausea
weakness within my body
I try so hard to ignore my feelings and my heart
I think its coming out and attacking me physcially

Hurts so bad
hurting myself
Im in the wrong
But it hurts

Gut rot

I care so deeply for you
yet i know its not meant to be
I cant manage the anger you possess
how many times are we going to dance in this circle

By being here, Iam slowly losing myself
and you make me lose my mind somtimes

Ive never felt so.. uncertain
Im getting thrown into panic attacks
I hate them
I have been missing my meds for a long time
take them here and there but not enough to keep a steady flow

I lost the sound of my voice
my thoughts
I cant hear me anymore
I know you care
I know youd be there
you are almost
I see so many good qualitys
but your right its not enough

and im just about to cry
then it stops and i go numb
is the antidepressents making me lose my full emotion
and numbing me internally
is that why i cant hear me nomore

Unconfortable within myself, I
Hate it!!! its like an itch you cant reach
NO even better
when your numb after coming from the dentist and the freezing is coming down
you get that itchy anoying sensation but when you touch it
you can barley feel it
and nothing satisfies that feeling untill the freezing comes down
Every panic attack of unconfortablness i feel
is like that

theres nothing i can do but wait untill it comes down






1-4 of 4 Blogs   

Previous Posts
Life, posted November 7th, 2012
hmm, posted May 16th, 2012
hurt to let you go, posted April 16th, 2012
Inner strugle, posted April 13th, 2012

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